And so it goes…

Yesterday, while wallowing in a haze of sickness, I was catching up on local news, when I happened to spot a familiar job posting spring up along the right hand side of my screen. I clicked on it. Yeah, it was my job.
MY job. And they failed to mention anything along the lines of “Pffft. Good luck trying to replace your predecessor, who manned this post for 3 whole years.” Or, “Good luck, you have some big shoes to fill.” None of that.
It’s becoming more real everyday. It made me stop breathing for a few seconds.

Snarl. Growl.

I’ve noticed something. Generally, I’m alright with money. Bills paid, some into savings each month, a little bit extra to indulge myself with. I could be better, but I’m not bad.
With unemployment hanging over my head, I find myself having irrational bouts of NEEDING to spend money. Recently, I went and bought makeup and skincare products that I absolutely don’t need, but I really wanted to get. Pretty sure it’s because, in a matter of months, I won’t be able to do stuff like that anymore.
I get mad at myself afterward. Right now, I’m desperately trying to cleanse my life of stuff. All of the stuff I keep, have kept, that I don’t need, but that has followed me around for years, apartment to apartment to apartment…it needs to go. Yet, here I am, filling my vanity with more of said stuff. Knock it off already, Haskins. Jeez.
I’m aware of it. I’ll change it. For now, please don’t make me feel guilty about my new night cream. I already do.

Looming unemployment.

We fell in love. We got married. He lives in California. I, in Kansas.

Obviously, something’s gotta give. So I’m packing up and heading west. The most terrifying part? It’s 2010. Have you seen the economy out there? I have a state job, a livable salary, great benefits…and I’m quitting. My resignation has been turned in. July 1st is my final day of work. Just typing those words makes my heart begin to audibly pound, my palms to become instantly sweaty. I’ve been employed since the day I turned 16, been living on my own for years.

To top off my current anxiety, I run across this article this morning. I know, I know. Leave me alone already!

http://money.cnn.com/2010/03/23/news/economy/trapped_in_a_job/

Stop giving voice to my fear, guilt, vulnerability, fear, new dependency, panic, fear, CNN.

And my journey begins. I just want to share my experience doing something that’s virtually unheard of at this point in our economy, quitting a job with no other prospects. Won’t you come panic and job hunt and interview with me?